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A spouse’s deployment brings up a lot of difficult emotions. You may be anxious for your husband’s safety, feel lonely and isolated, or worry about how you’ll cope alone.
At Military Wives, we know firsthand how challenging deployment is not just for service members, but for their families at home too. As you count down the days to your spouse’s return, use these tips to adapt to your spouse’s absence, manage your emotions, and keep your marriage strong.
Lighten Your Workload
The responsibility of managing a household without your other half is daunting. Identify the tasks causing the most stress and outsource the rest. For example:
- Dog walking: Entertaining kids and pets is no easy task. And just like children, bored pets tend to act out. Hiring a dog walker ensures your pets get plenty of exercise during deployment. Most dog walkers charge $15-$30 per 30-minute walk but prices vary depending on whether you’re in a rural or urban area.
- Yard work: Does your spouse usually handle the yard work? For around $30-$80 a visit, you can reclaim your weekends instead of wrestling with the lawnmower. You can use this lawn care services list to find local lawn mowing companies with good reputations or search for full-service lawn care with fertilization and aeration in addition to mowing.
- Carpooling: Chauffeuring kids to activities takes a lot out of your day especially with multiple children. Get to know other parents with children in the same activities and set up a driving rotation. You can carpool with one family or organize a large carpool group using an online sign-up schedule to coordinate rides and establish ground rules.
Stay Busy
Now that you’ve balanced your workload, think about what you want to accomplish during your spouse’s deployment. Having things to focus on and look forward to keeps your mind off of deployment stress.
Is there something you’ve always wanted to do? This is the time to do it, whether you want to try a new hobby, start volunteering, train for a marathon, or finally tackle your reading list. Do you want to spend more time with family and friends? Plan a trip to visit family or schedule a regular girl’s night to combat social isolation.
Some military wives use a spouse’s deployment to go back to school. It’s not easy maintaining a career when your spouse is on active duty. Education is a chance to reskill into a career you can do anywhere like information technology, healthcare, or business and public administration. Going to college might seem like a lot right now, but education is becoming a lot more flexible with online classes that are available 24/7 and multiple start dates per year.
Manage Your Stress
No matter how gracefully you handle it, a spouse’s deployment is stressful. Experiment with stress management techniques like exercise, meditation, and journaling to find what works for you, and remember to take care of yourself by getting enough sleep and eating healthy meals. Avoid using alcohol to cope with stress. Drinking might make you feel better in the moment, but ultimately it only adds to stress and anxiety.
Subtle changes to your environment can help alleviate day-to-day stress. For example, reducing household clutter improves your ability to focus while installing daylight bulbs, and maximizing sunlight act as a natural mood booster. Another simple tip is to dial up your thermostat. While keeping your house cool saves money on the power bill, it can actually sap your energy.
Keep Lines of Communication Open
Finally, stay close to your spouse even while he’s far away. Discuss how you’ll stay in contact during your husband’s deployment whether that’s by phone, video chat, or mail, and keep conversations positive when you talk. Sharing details of happenings at home helps your spouse feel connected and eases his adjustment when deployment ends. Remember that your spouse may not be able to communicate as much as he’d like and always approach conversations with patience and mutual trust.
If you’re struggling with your spouse’s deployment, help is available. The Military and Family Life Counseling Program supports service members and their families with confidential counseling for family and marriage issues, stress management, child and youth behavior, and other non-medical issues. Contact your installation’s Family and Military Support Center to access counseling services.
Find more tips for military families at MilitaryWives.com. With news and information on all branches of the military, we’re the go-to resource for military spouses.
contributed by Hannah Simpson <